The Belly Diaries: Yes Sir! That's my baby!

I was talking to my mum on skype the other night, when our temporary room-mate breathlessly popped his head in the front door waving a newspaper clipping.

"I can't stay, I haven't read the whole thing but you have to see this!"

With that he was gone and I was left trying to read and understand what I could of the article -- which wasn't much given that it was in Chinese characters but enough that I could understand the gist of what was being said. Enough to make me so completely embarrassed. I showed my parents (via Skype). I'm pretty sure my face was red.

Jason is regularly in the newspaper. Whether its for modeling, doing interviews, in fact he was in it again the other day, if I remember correctly, just for being seriously good looking. But me? Hello, I'm wall-flower Jane, I get in the newspaper because...people aren't sure if I'm pregnant or not and are too embarrassed to offer me their seat on the bus. Yes. And Yes.

Everyday, somebody comments about my clothes. Or lack of maternity clothes. Or more specifically lack of Chinese maternity clothes. Or perhaps more correctly stated, lack of hideous Chinese maternity tents. I am not in the slightest way exaggerating when I say they are still wearing potato sacks with scary cartoonish characters on them, all in pastel colours, here. So I asked my teacher and my friends about this and they said and I quote: that's what pregnant women wear. It gives me the eebie jeebies just thinking about wearing those things. And a new appreciation for the options my mother had when she was pregnant with me (in fact I think I find that exact dress you were wearing in that 'pre-going to hospital' photo, Mum!). It gives me a new appreciation for Isabella Oliver (I'll except commission for that statement) and all the talented people on Etsy. And if I ever hear anyone complain about how hideous the maternity clothes are at Target, I will slap you.

I went shopping with my very good Chinese friend the other day after explaining this predicament to her. She had previously made me promise that I wouldn't wear the horrible Chinese maternity clothes and sympathetically offered to help me find something. I explained to her the style I like and she says, Yeah I know. Bò xí mī yà (bohemia -- I love it when they just translate the sound!). Love her I do, but in the end she's still Chinese and I'd forgotten that there are 'rules' when shopping. For example, I naturally gravitate toward the darker colours, more earthy tones or bright purples or reds. Well, there are certain colours you're not supposed to wear in the summer and basically it came down to only light summery, pastel colours allowed. There are also certain fabrics you're allowed to wear. And lengths. Etc, etc, etc...

And sometimes, its just not worth arguing about it.

So finally I found a compromise dress that we were both happy with (I know that sounds ridiculous -- next time, I'll shop by myself), and I proceeded to ask the lǎobǎn (shop owner) if this was the biggest size she had. She said, no need as this one fit me fine (obviously). I explained to her that I was pregnant and wanted a little 'room to grow'. So the girl told me, Well, since you're pregnant, you can't buy this dress. Slightly confused I asked my friend to make sure I'd understood correctly and sure enough -- the lǎobǎn wasn't going to let me buy the dress.

Hold on, who's holding the money here???

So I turned to my friend and said "Help." She thought for a moment and then spoke with the girl and finally after about 5 or 10 minutes, (and by this time a crowd outside had gathered), the lǎobǎn said, Ok, because you are a pregnant foreigner, you can wear this dress. But Chinese pregnant women cannot wear this kind of dress.

Thank-you very much. I bought the dress.

The girl I buy pineapples from at the market told me I'm getting to fat for the kind of clothes I wear -- I really need to buy maternity dresses.

The lady I buy honey from told me the entire market was debating whether or not I was pregnant because I still wear shorts and my face is 'too thin' in her opinion.

Another friend told me, that pregnant Chinese women pretty much stay in their houses from now until giving birth unless they're too poor for a house-helper or don't live with their in-laws who can look after them. (If I had to wear that stuff, I'd probably never set foot outside my house again either).

So when I get on the bus, people don't know what to do with me. They're supposed to give up their seats for the elderly, people with disabilities, people with small children and pregnant women. So as this news reporter ever so tactfully put it, if you see a foreigner who looks very large like this one, she is pregnant and you should give her your seat. Mind you, the reporter didn't offer me his seat either...

So the next day, Sunday, we took the bus out to our friends house. Jason and I about busted up laughing because as soon as I got on the bus, everyone started whispering (oh my gosh! Its that pregnant girl from the newspaper!) and people were offering me seats everywhere.

Ah...I'm ready to go back to my 'wall-flower' status...