I've bought myself some time! I found I had doubly posted a post a while back so now this post is really number 99...these are the last of our 'formal' pictures we had done.

Nothing like a little 'healthy' marital competition...

Cheater...

He beat me at Scrabble last night too...IDEOLOGY...a triple word, a double letter and all seven tiles used (which means an extra 50 points)...

*sigh* Spelling was never my strong point...

PS. Don't you love that you can tell I'm wearing a hair piece? Its totally a different colour to my hair and they didn't bother to photo-shop that part!

Post number 99...this is my last chance to think of something seethingly brilliant to write for my 100th. Why I put this kind of un-needed pressure on myself, I don't know. Should I let it roll over into a Wordless Wednesday? Should I talk about the newest member of our family? Should I stop blogging forever because I've created such a monster called "100th Post" in my mind that I just can't live up to my own expectations?

And then, I think, you probably all don't care. In all probability, you most likely didn't even realize that I'm almost at the 100th mark...

Have you read Jason's post yet? You should read his before you continue with mine...

You see, I feel the need to have to justify the fact that I went to take a shower during what he now considers one of his most favourite movies in the world: IP Man. Which I also think is a strange name for the movie since its neither the Chinese title or the meaning of the Chinese title. But seriously, you should watch it (if you're into Kung Fu flicks)...and when you do, you can tell me what its about. Ok, granted his Chinese is better than mine -- but how can you watch a film when you don't understand the entire dialogue??? What if you miss something very important -- like when the wife says 'we should call the baby after your kung fu master who died saving us from the Japanese and preferred his wife's green tea to all others?' The jist of the conversation is that you know they're talking about naming the baby. My point is the detail! How can you watch a movie and be satisfied not understanding the detail???

This is the second time we've tried to watch this movie -- I can't find it in English no matter what the cover says. It stinks. I think, its like Americans trying to watch "The Castle" for the first time with no understanding of the Australian culture. Anyway, I just find it awfully frustrating not knowing what's going on in movies, so that's why I went to take a shower.

Also another question is left burning in my mind: Is this a guy thing? Is this really how they see life in general...Well, I got the jist of what she was saying.
Well, yes but you forgot to put the yoghurt in the fridge.
But I saw there was yoghurt!

Yes the jist. But ah! The details!

And just to be perfectly clear on one other thing -- I don't watch Hollywood films such as Troy or whatever other movie we picked up a while back at Wal-mart that was supposed to have English and didn't in Chinese either. The same as I don't watch IP Man in English but I like to have my English subtitles so I know what the heck is going on and don't have to work my brain to understand everything...movie watching in a foreign language isn't very relaxing. But I will say it was really funny listening to the Chinese dubbing trying to pronounce 'Achilles' since Chinese doesn't use the 'lah' sound in the middle of anything. I think in the first 10 minutes of the movie, 'Achilles' was pronounced differently every time they said it. There was a lot of hesitating before saying the word and an awful lot of mumbling...you could just hear the Chinese cursing the Greeks in the back of their minds...

Happy Thursday!

I was thinking about leaving this for a Wordless Wednesday or even my 100th post but I couldn't -- I love it so much! Can you see me doing this in about a year?!

In case you were unsure of general toilet etiquette and what to do with any hoses you might find attached to the bowl...while I know its tempting, please refrain from washing your hair with it.

I'll be honest: I don't feel fabulous these days.

Poor Jason -- he keeps asking when the happy hormones kick in. Then I cry and tell him not till the second trimester. Then he feels bad. Its a vicious cycle. I read that the kidney bean (this week the baby is the size of a kidney bean from what I can best work out) has the beginning of ears but they're not fully working yet. I hope that's true. I don't want the kidney bean to hear mummy (yikes! What a strange word...) periodically crying because she can't buy smoked mozzarella penne pasta salad from Whole Foods Supermarket or gagging because someone mentioned peanut butter and waffles together (um...excuse me for a moment) or worse...Chinese food. I don't want the kidney bean to hear what a high maintenance mother he/she has somehow been paired with -- the one who now has guests calling to ask if they should take a shower before coming over. I asked Jason if I was really that bad -- he said maybe he'd complained about how often I ask him to take a shower these days to a few people...can't blame him really. But seriously. Our guest called and asked if she should take a shower before coming for dinner last night. She was trying to be nice I know. Is it weird or bad that I appreciated the fact she asked? Or worse...that I told her she had plenty of time to take a shower before coming??? Who is this woman I've become???

So in light of my crappy emotions, spin-cycle stomach, and finely tuned sense of smell (I could rival the drug sniffing dogs at the airports these days), I'm choosing to go back to think of my best case scenario me ie. B.P. (before pregnancy). I'm thinking about a day when the little girl dream of make-up, dress-ups and high heels was realized. The day I pretended to be glamorous even though all went back in the box in the end and the make-up was water-proof and needed something close to paint stripper to remove...

And fake eyelashes. I have pretty darn good eyelashes. They're one of my facial features I'm proud of. They make Chinese girls go green with envy upon finding out they're real BUT I really really wanted to know what it would be like if I had thick, luscious eyelashes. I was a little worried the make-up artist would decide my lashes were already big enough and I wouldn't be able to explain how much I wanted the temporary fakes (its not really something you talk about in your first Chinese language lessons) but happy day! She got them out and glued them on (its not as bad as it sounds since they were only the temporary ones) and I was elated with how they looked! If only, if only...I did try to sleep without moving that night so they'd stay on one extra day but alas, I woke up to one completely gone and the other hanging half off making me look worse than normal upon waking. But at least now I can say I've done it!

We decided to celebrate being in China for a year and our fourth wedding anniversary, we wanted to do something to mark these achievements. Having a shrine sized (meaning at least one metre high) portrait of one's self is extremely popular in China. Often upon walking into someones living room, you're aren't met by a nice piece of art, a Chinese water colour or work of calligraphy but by a larger than life single portrait of oneself dressed in Victorian era garb or as a Greek god. However for the newly weds, the package includes a set of Chinese dress (in red for good luck of course) and so we thought, it would be only fitting to have our photos taken in true authentic Chinese dress. And somehow, I fancied throwing in a 1920's Shanghai gangster look. But the catch was, I didn't want to pay more than $50 USD (which is about the same in Australian now) and I didn't want the huge Shrine Portrait. So after all manner of bartering and trying to explain why we didn't want the huge Shrine Portrait (it completely baffled them), we finally got the deal we wanted (I love it when they throw in six extra portraits just as you're walking out their door to look across the road -- love it!) from the photographer we liked and no Shrine Portrait -- just a regular 8 x 10" size. Actually I think we paid $60 but I was happy with the way they turned out and figured a CD with 16 photos and one 8 x 10" print wasn't bad.

So back to the studio -- what a trooper Jason is! As long as the man has an iPod to play with...but blue socks Babe? The photo people had assured us they'd have clothes to fit him -- I should've gone with my gut instinct and made him bring his own pants. I knew it! So you'll notice that none of the photos show our feet. Which is a bummer -- if only you could see the ridiculous stilettos I'm wearing -- very sexy but not in the slightest bit comfortable for a few hours of having one's photo taken. And then, they brought out the box. Because I still wasn't tall enough. When I look at the photos now, I think gosh, I really am that short. I don't really view myself as being so short now I'm an adult -- I believe its more or less a miss-perception to one's eye. But considering I'm standing on the box in the below photo...maybe I can stand to be corrected...

In the fine words of Legolas spoken to the dwarf Gimli, at the battle of Rohan: "Would you like me to describe it to you? Or shall I get you a box?"

Fire crackers do not usually make me this happy!

My dear little sadly neglected pathetically boring visitor-less and editress-less blog,

I can't do this to you any longer. You know how much more time I spend going between the bedroom, the bathroom, and the kitchen these days and yet you say nothing. You don't judge me but its like you're waiting for me to come clean with you. You seem to know that something has come between us. Let me preface this by saying I didn't mean it to happen quite like this. I thought I could have everything and still be friends with you and honestly, that's what I want. I wanted to be in control, the strong women who can do everything, who's creative juices never run dry and writer's block is merely a trifle that happens to others but never to me. But the truth is, there isn't really much to say these days, what with spending most of my mornings feeling almost ill enough to stare into the toilet but not quite. At least I feel better by lunch time at which point I'm exhausted and after a nap, move my residency to the kitchen where I proceed to graze my way through the afternoon. And I'm trying to fit school and the gym in there somewhere too.

So what's up? you ask, in your friendly non-judgmental blog-like way. No I'm not bulimic (I'm aware the above description could lead one to believe so) -- just pregnant! And extremely proud and happy about it too I might add. But at various times throughout the day, your scrolling screens kind of make me feel seasick. That and 'sleep, feel like being sick, sleep, eat, sleep' doesn't make for very interesting blogging right now. Give me a few more weeks and I promise I'll be back in the game but I hope this explains the downtime I'm needing right now.

I do have to admit though -- I appreciate your lack of smell and that I never have to ask you when was the last time you showered or could you brush your teeth for the fourth time today? You don't smell or look like scrambled eggs although I notice that I can't read my regular food blogs before 2pm anymore. I've no desire to find out what you taste like which is a plus and I don't need some nasty smelling bottle of cleaning product to clean you. And you don't look or smell like Chinese food or China and for that I'm truly grateful.

So yes, you my little blog, are the last one to know -- I hate to admit it by even Facebook knew before you did. But if it consoles you any, if I had Twitter, Twitter would've known first. But from here on out, you'll be the one that knows the details of our little growing family, along with the other stories we share. Then in the end, an extra human will be around and we'll never run out of stories to tell!

Yours faithfully (and rather nauseously),

Me

PS. I can say "I'm pregnant" in Chinese too! Wǒ huái yùn le! (Except its possible that I got the tones wrong so who knows what that says really.) 我怀孕了！

...where the point is I post a picture that I've taken and you read into it at will. Where I actually have a day of the week where you know I will have posted. Where I now have a deadline to post and a reason to go out and find 'the photo'. Where I don't use any words unless I deem necessary or can think of some witty quip to enhance the photo all the more.

And I've already used too many words for this to be considered a Wordless Wednesday post.

This kind of beer is very popular in the USA. But you Americans knew that already didn't you?

Its time to wrap this Southeast Asian saga up so we can move onto bigger and brighter things!

Well, you know how it is when you come home from a big holiday and you get the post-holiday blues so to speak...its back to the daily grind...back to earth...time to pick up the shovel...another day, another dollar -- wait a minute...that last done doesn't work so well in our situation...

I wouldn't say we have the post-holiday blues actually. It was kind of nice to have a 'rest' in our 'new' place when we got back. But to tell the truth, I'd have rather spent Chinese New Year almost anywhere but China. I will give you my top 10 reasons why:

*Its always the coldest week of the year. No matter if its in January or February, the coldest temperatures of the year will be hit that week. I don't know the science behind this, but its scarily true. Even if the few days leading up to it were 28, 29, 30 C, Chūn jíe will be below 10 C in Nanning.
*One never quite gets used to being woken from sleep at 3am to the sound of massive fireworks being let of within a metre of one's bedroom window (you know, the kind they use in pyro-technical shows -- they shoot metres into the air and then mushroom out -- spectacular in shows but not when your building is literally shaking from the boom...).
*The endless car alarms going off all the time due to the endless fireworks (why they bother to turn on their car alarms is beyond me).
*Its a family holiday. More so than Christmas is in the West. So any invitation you receive to someone else's dinner is more of a 'I feel sorry for you not having anywhere to go...but I really hope you say you've some other offer.'
*If you do go to someone's house, it can be awkward.
*And every dish consists of a dead animal.
*And they drink of copious amounts of bái jǐu -- the strongest liquor you can imagine -- you'll be gone after 3 shots. It tastes bad and Jason had weird dreams all night. I survived by concealing my water bottle in my lap, with the table cloth strategically placed so that I could smuggle my shot glass under the table to refill with water when no one was looking. I knew the consequences could be be bad but I was willing to risk it.
*NOTHING is open. I don't know how people stock up for the entire week considering we live in the land of tiny kitchens and even tinier fridges but everything is shut for at least four days and then only Wal-mart opens and its much the same feel as Wal-mart in the States the day after Thanksgiving...or as the Australians would say, as full as a beach dunny on boxing day. One has to be purely insane or starving to attempt Wal-mart during Chūn jíe.
*No restaurants are open. So if you're starving, your only option is to keep starving or go to Wal-mart.
*And then when things finally do open, everything is outrageously expensive because everyone's just taken a week off and spent their yearly savings on all the expensive food that is necessary to the Chinese New Year/Spring Festival diet.

And number 11 -- it lasts 15 days!

So suffice to say, I'm glad its over. With 15 days of not much to do, you'd think I'd have had more time to blog. But Jason's been working on the website before we hit the school books again and I've been...reading! English books! My sister's rough draft! Books in English! A feast of English literature! And when my husband isn't on the computer, even he has been reading! In fact, he read JR Tolkien's The Hobbit in a week! Its amazing what happens when books are actually readily available to one! Yes, perhaps one of the most deliriously wonderful things about our new location is the bookshelf in the living room...and the one in the bedroom...and the stack of recipe books in the kitchen...and the fact that there was an empty shelf in the spare room where we could put our measly six, tired but still our very own, books... Ah, to have a book collection or library of English books available to ones self again! The internet is grand and the fact that I can download Amazon's kindle programme to the ipod is cool too but reading a book from a computer? I don't know if I can ever get into that.

So let me finish with a little 'eventful trip home' story for you.

So we fly into Hong Kong, because that was the cheapest flight and Jason needed extra pages for his passport. Normally, you can fly into Hong Kong and hop on a ever-so-fun sleeper bus to Nanning the same day and since we arrived at 9am we thought our biggest problem would be finding a coffee shop to sit in for several hours till our bus departed. Ah, but the unseasoned Chūn jíe travelers that we are! There's no bus -- at least not from the Airport terminal. But we can try the China Travel Services Terminal. So we get Jason to the US Embassy first so he doesn't miss his appointment. All goes smoothly with that and we make it to the China Travel Services and...no bus. The girl explains to Jason, while I wait with the bags, that there's no bus until four days after Chūn jíe. So we regroup and think. Jason asks the girl, how about to Guangzhou? At least that's half way and usually Guangzhou has multiple buses to Nanning in a day whereas Hong Kong only has one.
But the girl says: "You can't go to Guangzhou."
Jason says, "Why not?"
The service girl, "Because that's not where you want to go."
It took a minute to convince her (the whole time he is speaking in Chinese with her) that the point was just to make it to China and we could get home from Guangzhou. Finally, she sold us tickets to Guangzhou.
We make it to Guangzhou but the bus doesn't drop us off at the bus terminal. No, it drops us off at the Marriot hotel so in we go lugging our back packs and looking like we've not slept in 2 days, because in actual reality, we haven't slept more than three consecutive hours at a time in the last two days and always in the sitting up position. Finally someone tells us where the bus terminal was and so we go and join the que of over half of China trying to make their pilgrimage home for Chūn jíe. Quite literally, over half of China. Ok well, maybe not all at the Guangzhou long distance bus terminal but Guangzhou is an industrial city, whose local residents are mostly made up of low income factory workers who've moved to the city from the village and all who have to make it home for Chūn jíe. There's no good reason to not go home for Chūn jíe. Even though bus tickets are twice the price, and you must bring gifts home that equal your years measly savings, if you've a job and there's air in your lungs, you must go home for Chūn jíe. So clutching our possessions for dear life and praying like mad there would be bus tickets (not really fancying a night in the bus terminal!) we muscle our way through the crowd to the foreign service desk. And joy! She has two seats left on the second to last bus that would be leaving in 30 minutes! At that point, I don't think I was ever happier to get on a sleeper bus.

We arrived home at about 7am, took showers, chilled out for a little bit and then threw our stuff in a truck to move to our new place. We slept very soundly that night...and then Chūn jíe started two days later...

And now, that we are finally back to our regular sleeping schedules, I'll let you get back to your regular reading schedules. I'm planning to start Wordless Wednesdays next week -- lets see how long I keep it up!

So until I get itchy feet again...or some money...whichever comes first!