Best Case Scenario Me

I'll be honest: I don't feel fabulous these days.

Poor Jason -- he keeps asking when the happy hormones kick in. Then I cry and tell him not till the second trimester. Then he feels bad. Its a vicious cycle. I read that the kidney bean (this week the baby is the size of a kidney bean from what I can best work out) has the beginning of ears but they're not fully working yet. I hope that's true. I don't want the kidney bean to hear mummy (yikes! What a strange word...) periodically crying because she can't buy smoked mozzarella penne pasta salad from Whole Foods Supermarket or gagging because someone mentioned peanut butter and waffles together (um...excuse me for a moment) or worse...Chinese food. I don't want the kidney bean to hear what a high maintenance mother he/she has somehow been paired with -- the one who now has guests calling to ask if they should take a shower before coming over. I asked Jason if I was really that bad -- he said maybe he'd complained about how often I ask him to take a shower these days to a few people...can't blame him really. But seriously. Our guest called and asked if she should take a shower before coming for dinner last night. She was trying to be nice I know. Is it weird or bad that I appreciated the fact she asked? Or worse...that I told her she had plenty of time to take a shower before coming??? Who is this woman I've become???

So in light of my crappy emotions, spin-cycle stomach, and finely tuned sense of smell (I could rival the drug sniffing dogs at the airports these days), I'm choosing to go back to think of my best case scenario me ie. B.P. (before pregnancy). I'm thinking about a day when the little girl dream of make-up, dress-ups and high heels was realized. The day I pretended to be glamorous even though all went back in the box in the end and the make-up was water-proof and needed something close to paint stripper to remove...

And fake eyelashes. I have pretty darn good eyelashes. They're one of my facial features I'm proud of. They make Chinese girls go green with envy upon finding out they're real BUT I really really wanted to know what it would be like if I had thick, luscious eyelashes. I was a little worried the make-up artist would decide my lashes were already big enough and I wouldn't be able to explain how much I wanted the temporary fakes (its not really something you talk about in your first Chinese language lessons) but happy day! She got them out and glued them on (its not as bad as it sounds since they were only the temporary ones) and I was elated with how they looked! If only, if only...I did try to sleep without moving that night so they'd stay on one extra day but alas, I woke up to one completely gone and the other hanging half off making me look worse than normal upon waking. But at least now I can say I've done it!

We decided to celebrate being in China for a year and our fourth wedding anniversary, we wanted to do something to mark these achievements. Having a shrine sized (meaning at least one metre high) portrait of one's self is extremely popular in China. Often upon walking into someones living room, you're aren't met by a nice piece of art, a Chinese water colour or work of calligraphy but by a larger than life single portrait of oneself dressed in Victorian era garb or as a Greek god. However for the newly weds, the package includes a set of Chinese dress (in red for good luck of course) and so we thought, it would be only fitting to have our photos taken in true authentic Chinese dress. And somehow, I fancied throwing in a 1920's Shanghai gangster look. But the catch was, I didn't want to pay more than $50 USD (which is about the same in Australian now) and I didn't want the huge Shrine Portrait. So after all manner of bartering and trying to explain why we didn't want the huge Shrine Portrait (it completely baffled them), we finally got the deal we wanted (I love it when they throw in six extra portraits just as you're walking out their door to look across the road -- love it!) from the photographer we liked and no Shrine Portrait -- just a regular 8 x 10" size. Actually I think we paid $60 but I was happy with the way they turned out and figured a CD with 16 photos and one 8 x 10" print wasn't bad.

So back to the studio -- what a trooper Jason is! As long as the man has an iPod to play with...but blue socks Babe? The photo people had assured us they'd have clothes to fit him -- I should've gone with my gut instinct and made him bring his own pants. I knew it! So you'll notice that none of the photos show our feet. Which is a bummer -- if only you could see the ridiculous stilettos I'm wearing -- very sexy but not in the slightest bit comfortable for a few hours of having one's photo taken. And then, they brought out the box. Because I still wasn't tall enough. When I look at the photos now, I think gosh, I really am that short. I don't really view myself as being so short now I'm an adult -- I believe its more or less a miss-perception to one's eye. But considering I'm standing on the box in the below photo...maybe I can stand to be corrected...

In the fine words of Legolas spoken to the dwarf Gimli, at the battle of Rohan: "Would you like me to describe it to you? Or shall I get you a box?"