that all you need in life to be cool is to travel, eat organically and sustainably (aka. vegetarian), shoot on a Nikon, work on a Mac, and ride a Vespa:




07/01/2009
Local Time Vespa Tour - Cross country on a Vespa to photograph and savor local America




Synopsis

My intent is to spend the Summer before working as the still-photographer on the next Zack Snyder (director of movies 300 and Watchmen) film traveling on a Vespa GTS 300 Super between New York and Vancouver, BC. The basic idea is to rarely go more than 150 miles on any given day, eat and support organic, locally produced and harvested foods (http://www.eatwellguide.org/), pop into Apple stores and Vespa dealerships to give my existing photography presentation, and make new pictures and portraits that will be blogged and geo-tagged along the way using my Nikon (probably with just one fixed 50mm lens). The emphasis is on moving slowly and engaging the country that exists away from the freeways. This framework is simple, spontaneous and privileges authenticity and uniqueness rather than the constructed and cliché.

In a culture awash in homogenized experiences that can't seem to happen fast enough, this trip aspires to have a quieter, more considered tone. I can't predict what I'll see or who I'll meet along the way but the hope is I'll be able to engage folks whose voices are as distinct and original as the landscape. With my skills as a professional photographer, I'd hope to honor them through portraiture.

The companies I'm engaging to be part of this trip are folks I couldn't imagine doing so without. Apple makes my computer and phone, Nikon makes my camera and lens, Vespa makes my scooter. Those are my essentials. Everything else is at the mercy of the muses. I'm okay with that. (wink).
- Clay Enos

People, I'm almost there.

Disclaimer: the pictures are strange sizes because my flicker account said I was at my limit of uploading for the month. Also, I have better pictures of the flower parade but, again. Can you believe it?! Don't they take into account people who take a vacation?!

Of course, in a perfect world, the ideal form of travel would be elephant. But I suppose all vegans will dispute me on that one. Here's what I have to say: You can't possible tell me that I, weighing approximately 47kg (about 100lb), am causing a 3 - 5 tonne animal, pain by sitting on it. In my opinion, elephant travel is probably akin to driving a Toyota Prius when you think in terms of environmentalism. However, it's probably good that we don't encourage everyone to trade in their land cruisers for elephants. One has to think about food consumption and excrement, not to mention the upgrades to the garage. Like I said -- in a perfect world.

Yes, I do believe he's smiling at me!

Actually, riding an elephant is the one thing that we both would have really loved to do in Thailand but poor people traveling usually equates to 'something having to give'. So when faced with Angkor Wat or and elephant ride, we opted Angkor Wat obviously, not really knowing when we'd make it back that way. We do however, foresee many trips to Thailand in the future, and Chiang Mai, being in the north, is surrounded by elephant conservations sooo...as much as I hated to say it (or hear it rather)...it'll have to be next time, Sweetie.

Our final destination now reached, we were faced rather rudely with the 'how do we get home?' question. And before Chinese New Year (why before Chinese New Year? I hear you asking. Simply put -- because we're stupid...but you knew that already didn't you...).

Our original plan had been to go through Laos on our way home.

Problem: Jason ran out of pages in his passport. Firstly, I think this is ridiculous. American passports are tiny! So even though his doesn't expire for another 3 years, and I have traveled to more countries than him, he will get to experience having pages added to his passport and I wont. And probably won't get to do so for a long time if ever since I still have half my passport empty and need to get a new one next year.

See, we didn't count on Cambodia's visa needing a whole page since it was issued at the border.

So we glanced longingly at Laos while we boarded yet another bus in the opposite direction back to Bangkok to fly into Hong Kong. Now in hindsight, after spending my second Chinese New Year in China, I'd have opted to spend more time in Chiang Mai and go to the American Consulate there rather than get back in time for Chinese New Year BUT we live and we learn don't we? Well, hopefully we learn...what have I learnt this Chinese New Year? That I really don't wish to spend another one in my city but that's a different subject.

Where were we? Oh yes -- elephant travel.

Well, if one can't ride an elephant, then one certainly can't be found guilty of not taking the cheaper option of freedom travel -- the motorbike. And I don't just mean hoping on the back of someone else's motorbike this time. No, I mean, Jason was able to realize a dream of his and ride one for himself.

Now if you're astute, you may be forgiven for assuming this bike is a scooter on first glance. Jason has asked me to clarify that its just an automatic. By the time we realized we still had time to hire a motorbike, all the throttle ones had already been taken out for the day. So just to clarify, it is a motorbike.

Once Jason handed over his passport as 'collateral' (standard procedure I assure you), the Thai man that we hired the bike from showed his regular concern for western drivers in an Asian culture, recommending we stay away from the main roads etc. So Jason put him at ease:
"Man, we live in China."
"Oh, well, then you'll all be fine. Chiang Mai'll be a piece of cake...Just don't forget there's the huge flower festival parade today."
"A what?"
"Not a...THE flower festival parade."

What he meant was, the longest parade with the prettiest Thai girls -- and boys -- on Chiang Mai's annual calender.

So once we made our way through that, we set off to find...nothing really. He just wanted to ride, and I just wanted to revel in the manliness of my man, the wind in my face, and the sun kissing my skin before going home to the miserable cold and wet. Jason navigated his way through the craziness with skillful ease (he's such a natural) and I filmed the whole thing...on pause so I think I actually missed it all really but Jason is yet to look through the video footage to see if I got maybe got something. Give me a regular camera any day. As God would have it, we found a waterfall a short distance from the city and left our newly found favourite past time long enough to climb to the top...and start freaking out that the bike would be stolen by the time we got back down again...it wasn't. Then, because we couldn't think of anything better to do, we drove to a supermarket, picked up a few things (including some yummy vegetarian pad Thai for dinner). And then, much to our dismay, the sun was setting and we realized our bus to Bangkok would be leaving soon. So we regretfully made our way back to the little garage we hired the bike from in the first place, begrudgingly handed over the keys and helmets, and then I prized Jason away from the 'real' motorbikes that had also be returned by ever-so-regretful hirees. You know, its that one time in your life where you think, I don't really need my passport back do I?

As much fun and convenient as it would be to have a motorbike in China, the government changes the laws about them as often and most Chinese women change their shoes (which is often). Funnily enough, it's perfectly ok to have an electric bike...which can only take you so many kilometres in a day...which means, you can't really get out of town on one...which means they know where you are...I don't buy the environment concern propaganda. So sadly, we have to lay our little romanticized dream of owning a 'quick get away vehicle' to sleep for now (not that we have that kind of money anyway but you can't put a price on dreams). However, I do believe this means we can get a Vespa scooter. See saying, "I own an electric bike" and "I own a motorbike" well, the latter packs more punch than the former. But, one can still own a Vespa and be cool, I believe.

So I have to admit, I’m a sucker for a massage and I was curious to give the classical Thai massage a go. And considering Chiang Mai is the most famous place in the world to study Thai massage, how could we not try it? The set up is outside and you’re fully clothed with maybe several beds around you so its not sleazy. Its about the same price as you pay for a Chinese massage so one afternoon, we had a spare 30 minutes and thought, why not?

I had heard the biggest difference between Thai and Chinese massage is the level of pressure applied by the masseuse. Chinese like to get in there and work those knots out. There is one Chinese lady we know who owns a little massage shop back in our city. She doesn’t speak any English except for one phrase a foreigner taught her. Every time you say, "Ouch", she counters with, “No pain, no gain!” in her high pitched, twangy Chinese accent. Not everyone is like this -- my chiropractor is wonderful -- but traditional Chinese massage isn’t for the faint hearted. Thai massage on the other hand, is supposed to be this wonderful, soft, relaxing experience...

As I was drifting into a state of relaxed, semi-consciousness, I was rudely interrupted by a loud “Ouch!”.

So I causually opened one eye and turned my head to see Jason wasn’t enjoying this nearly as much as I was. Apparently there are different methods of massage for men than women. They opted to do what seemed like a yoga type massage on him, moving his body into strange positions that either had him laughing because he’s quite ticklish or not very comfortable and relaxed to say the least. He was completely done after half and hour. I on the other hand, was only sorry they’d stopped and that I didn’t pay for the full hour. He’s kind of sworn off the Thai massage at the moment. He prefers his Chinese massage, which he says in his opinion is considerably less painful. So you can imagine his response when I suggested we try the fish massage where you put your feet in a tank of small, hungry fish who feast on your dead skin for half hour...well...I realized that perhaps too many new experiences might not be such a good idea after all. I might need a year to work him up to trying that one.

You may possibly remember that November last year, our city hosted the Southeast Asian Food Festival at which I was hoping to find Cambodian fried spiders. Well, one of the first things we asked a local in Cambodia was: where can we get fried spiders? Actually, I better clarify, I was asking where can we get fried spiders. I noticed Jason was asking where can his wife get fried spiders. In the south, they told us probably in the north -- they don’t eat spiders in Kep. In Siem Reap, people were just confused -- some said maybe in the south, other’s said, not the right season, and yet others said it was a Thai thing and Cambodians wouldn’t eat that (there’s a little bit of animosity between the Thai’s and Cambodians). Then one of my friends informed me she’d seen them whilst in Phnom Phen -- great, I thought, my only chance of being able to gross someone out by something I’ve eaten and I've skipped the city for emotional reasons.

Just to clarify -- after my former description of durian, I know you’re most likely grossed out and want to know why that doesn’t satisfy me. It's elementary, my dear Watson -- just say, someone says “I ate monkey brain.” Which is countered by someone else saying “Well, I ate dog testicles.” At which point I throw in “Well, I ate durian!” It really interrupts the flow of the competition because everyone says, “What’s a durian?” and then I have to explain and then it looses all its grossness credibility right there.

But back to the subject at hand -- no spiders in Cambodia.

Jason consoled me be saying we can come back one day and try again but I knew he was secretly rather glad so that didn’t help one bit. He says he’s genuinely sorry but I really don’t believe him. BUT one night in Thailand, after yet another tuk tuk driver dropped us off somewhere that was not where we asked them to take us, I found fried silk worms.

They also had fried, grasshoppers, crickets, cockroaches, caterpillars and frogs. Frogs have faces so I can’t justify that. I draw the line at cockroaches. But silk worms…

It took me ages to convince Jason that we needed to try this. He said no he didn’t feel that need. I said he needed to broaden his horizons. He said the durian experience was enough broadening of his horizons for him. We went back and forth until I wore him down and he promised that when we got back to our hotel, we’d get the video camera out and tape the whole experience. He then put them into his pocket and of course hours later after finally finding the right bazaar I’d been trying to get to in the first place, can you believe, but I actually forgot all about them?! Until a few days later when I found them all soggy in the little bag…

“Did you not remind me about them on purpose?”
“No I completely forgot about them. What a shame I guess we won’t be eating any silk worms in Thailand either…what a shame…”
“I don’t believe you are full of any remorse at all.”
“That would be correct.”

However, God heard my cry and the very last day we were in Chiang Mai, we rented a motorbike and Jason drove the two of us out to a waterfall just outside of town. Just as we were packing up to go take the bike back, what should I find but...fried silkworms! So I bought 5 baht worth (which is about 10 silk worms) and Jason conceded to do this with me (I was fully prepared to do it myself though). Silkworms, video camera and participants (albeit unwilling). All components in place. All systems go!

They're not disgusting...but they're really not very good either.

I didn’t say I was going to like them, I just wanted to say I’d eaten them before. I’m still planning to go back to Cambodia for the fried spiders though.

So somehow I can't actually find the picture I took of the silkworms but we do have a video which I'll get Jason to upload when he's not busy working on some of this other stuff he's doing these days.

This short trip has been somewhat of a culinary adventure for our taste buds. I’ve complained about it enough by now that you should know what a task it is for vegetarians in China so you can imagine how much I’ve enjoyed simply choosing the already labeled vegetarian option, or just browsing through the menu counting how many 'no-meat' dishes there are. I also have enjoyed not having to send my dish back three times before I reluctantly resign myself to the painstaking process of trying to get the one teaspoon of ground pork out of my noodles or just forgoing the dish all-together (have I told you how many times I’ve been informed ‘pork’ isn’t really ‘meat’ anyway?).

Before we left China, one of our teachers told us to be very careful of the food in Vietnam because they eat their greens raw. Everything is still washed mind you, but Chinese believe you must cook everything or it will make you sick. Hence vegetable juice shops don’t do well in our city. Someone else informed us that we’ll surely get sick because Vietnamese and Cambodians don’t eat much meat -- they’re too poor. I reason that Vietnamese have less heart disease than Chinese. Poor little me.

I love that when you order most dishes in Vietnam, they come with a an extra side of un-cooked greens -- some that my friendly market people have told me are poisonous unless cooked. I love the abundance of fragrant smelling herbs such as lemongrass and basil that Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand use abundantly. I love that they judge the smell of the dish just as much as the taste. I love the extravagant use of coconut in everything. I love that they don’t consider it necessary to use every part of the animal either, resulting in some very strange looking and smelling dishes. I will admit it -- I prefer Vietnamese, Cambodian and Thai cooking to Chinese any day.

So during this time, we -- or rather I should say I -- decided Jason needed to broaden his taste bud horizon and try the infamous king of all fruits, much beloved by Southeast Asians everywhere...the Durian. Now I suppose you should try something at least twice before you pronounce it completely unpalatable and I myself have tried the fruit, the lollie (candy) and the ice cream so I believe that gives me every right to declare how vehemently I dislike -- ok hate -- durian. Here’s the famous sales pitch for durian: Smells like Hell, tastes like Heaven. I'm not kidding -- that's what everyone says. That's literally how they introduce it to you too: "This is durian. It smells like Hell and tastes like Heaven -- here try some!" Uhg. No thanks.

My Thai friend and all other Southeast Asians I’ve met as well as Chinese, all agree that it smells like a combination of onion and sour milk but what I can’t understand is that they love this stuff! Not only do I dislike the taste, but I can’t handle the slimy texture. If I were God, I’d have made durian the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because surely no one in their right mind would have been tempted to eat it. While it looks quite intriguing, the fact that its covered with large, sharp points should deter people from eating let alone the repulsive smell of rotting onions. You mean to tell me that a little jungle man walked through the jungle and thought: Gee I’m really hungry. How about I eat this really dangerous looking fruit that could actually kill me if it drops on my head? It really can’t taste as bad as it smells.

A durian smells so bad, that all the buses, hotels, and airports have huge NO DURIAN signs on all their doors.

So being that not trying durian would be missing a major part of the Asian experience for Jason, I told him at some point, he was going to have to give the stuff a go. My Thai friend is convinced that Thai durian is superior to Chinese durian so I conceded that he could wait till we got to Thailand to try it. So first day, our Thai friend picked out a special dish -- which I think was cheating cause I tried durian straight the first time -- and unfortunately I didn’t have the video camera on my for this momentous occasion so the photos will have to suffice. It did take him a full five minutes of psyching himself up to try it as the smell was enough to turn his stomach (mine too) but he pulled up his boot straps and sucked it down and felt ill for the rest of the day but he did it! Much to our poor Thai friend’s disappointment, he swears he will not be giving it a second try, not disguised any which way.

Ok, I know he's smiling but seriously, he isn't enjoying this at all. He smiles all the time. Just look at his primary school report cards.

And lets just say that there’s a good amount of teeth brushing and gum chewing that has to go on for several hours after one has consumed durian before they can expect their friends, let alone their wife, to come within 3 feet of them again…